Dear God, I really really REALLY hope that tomorrow is Hallowe’en. I’ll be an astronaut. And what will YOU be? [pause] If it’s dark tomorrow, we’ll know it’s Hallowe’en. No… NO. That’s not quite right. It has to be 31 to be Hallowe’en. And tomorrow is not yet 31, even if it’s dark. So it’s not Hallowe’en yet. [sigh] But, there IS some good news that it’s not quite Hallowe’en, God. That means you still have some time to get your costume before you spook everybody. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Accidental Lava-cracking Super-punch
Dear God, I really hope that you never make me go to the center of the Earth. There’s rock down there that’s hot lava. And what if… what if I accidentally punched the lava? What if I had super-strength? What if I cracked that stone of the Earth with my super-punch and the yolk broke into a hundred pieces? The rock is just a shell, God. There’s a giant, hot, giant yolk in the middle of the Earth. If I cracked it by accident and the whole Earth broke apart… then… all the people would be just living lost in space. So don’t make me punch the lava, ever. In Jesus’ name, amen. Wow, that was a long pray.
Don’t Drink This Sauce
Dear God, thank you that I have lots of skills, and a glow stick, and lots of predictions. Here’s one prediction. I predict that if any bad guys drink this glowing venomous sauce in my glow stick, they will die. God, please don’t drink this sauce, because it’s venomous. And that is my story of a prayer. In Jesus’ name, amen.
You can’t make me be Thankful for them
(The Darndest Team is grinning even more than usual about this entry – our first submission from one of our readers! Keep ’em comin’!)
God, thank you for keeping us safe and for keeping everyone safe. Thank you for forgiving our sins and forgiving everyone in the whole world. Thank you for everything you made, except scooters.
Amen.
There’s always the option of Laser Surgery
Dear God, how old are you? I’m four. Are you… FIFTY? Nine thousand and million? Hmm. Do you have to wear glasses? Well, do you? If you have glasses, I promise that when I see you I won’t say, “Haha, four-eyes!”. ‘Cause that’s not nice, so I won’t call you that. Four-eyes. In Jesus’ name, amen.
The Perils of Popsicles
Dear God, thanks for the nice day. What’s your favourite food? Do you like popsicles? I do. Do you ever get brain freeze when you eat popsicles? You can put on a helmet when you eat popsicles, but that won’t stop brain freeze. It comes from the INside, not the OUTside. It starts in the tube in your neck, and goes up up up to the… the… green thing… and then into your brain. The popsicle goes in your brain and freezes it. Even if you wear a helmet. I tried. In Jesus’ name, amen.
I’m pretty sure that’s an exhaustive list, God
Dear God, thank you for the nice day. Thank you for ALL the things I need. Like respect. And hope. And manners. And sunscreen. Everyone needs sunscreen when they go outside. Even Spiderman, right God? We wouldn’t want Spiderman to get a sunburn just because he made that mistake. In Jesus’ name, amen.
How are we made?
Dear God, how are we made? [pause] Did you know that we start out as a yellow circle with a blue dot in it, and then it turns into two circles with dots and then three and four? And then a LOT LOT LOT of yellow circles. That’s true. I didn’t believe it at first, but it’s in a book. Isn’t that GROSS?? In Jesus’ name, amen.
Captain Triangle-Eyes
Dear God, this is Captain Triangle-Eyes. Otherwise known as Oliver. I just wanted to tell you because, did you know that I have super-powers? When there’s a super-villain around and people need me to rescue them, they ACTIVATE my powers and then my eyes turn into special triangles. That’s why I’m Captain Triangle-Eyes. Nobody needed my super-powers today but maybe tomorrow will do the trick. I hope, I hope that a super-villain comes tomorrow. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Problems, Engineers, and Snacks
Dear God, thank you for the nice day. [pause] Do you have any problems, God? If you do, you probably need to get an engineer. That’s their job, to solve problems. Structural problems… other problems… Sometimes they drive trains but that’s a different kind of engineer. And thank you that Mom made good snacks today. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Kids Pray The Darndest Things 