The Holy Ghost, of course

Dear God, I really really REALLY hope that tomorrow is Hallowe’en. I’ll be an astronaut. And what will YOU be? [pause] If it’s dark tomorrow, we’ll know it’s Hallowe’en. No… NO. That’s not quite right. It has to be 31 to be Hallowe’en. And tomorrow is not yet 31, even if it’s dark. So it’s not Hallowe’en yet. [sigh] But, there IS some good news that it’s not quite Hallowe’en, God. That means you still have some time to get your costume before you spook everybody. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Accidental Lava-cracking Super-punch

Dear God, I really hope that you never make me go to the center of the Earth. There’s rock down there that’s hot lava. And what if… what if I accidentally punched the lava? What if I had super-strength? What if I cracked that stone of the Earth with my super-punch and the yolk broke into a hundred pieces? The rock is just a shell, God. There’s a giant, hot, giant yolk in the middle of the Earth. If I cracked it by accident and the whole Earth broke apart… then… all the people would be just living lost in space. So don’t make me punch the lava, ever. In Jesus’ name, amen. Wow, that was a long pray.

The Perils of Popsicles

Dear God, thanks for the nice day. What’s your favourite food? Do you like popsicles? I do. Do you ever get brain freeze when you eat popsicles? You can put on a helmet when you eat popsicles, but that won’t stop brain freeze. It comes from the INside, not the OUTside. It starts in the tube in your neck, and goes up up up to the… the… green thing… and then into your brain. The popsicle goes in your brain and freezes it. Even if you wear a helmet. I tried. In Jesus’ name, amen.

I’m pretty sure that’s an exhaustive list, God

Dear God, thank you for the nice day. Thank you for ALL the things I need. Like respect. And hope. And manners. And sunscreen. Everyone needs sunscreen when they go outside. Even Spiderman, right God? We wouldn’t want Spiderman to get a sunburn just because he made that mistake. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Captain Triangle-Eyes

Dear God, this is Captain Triangle-Eyes. Otherwise known as Oliver. I just wanted to tell you because, did you know that I have super-powers? When there’s a super-villain around and people need me to rescue them, they ACTIVATE my powers and then my eyes turn into special triangles. That’s why I’m Captain Triangle-Eyes. Nobody needed my super-powers today but maybe tomorrow will do the trick. I hope, I hope that a super-villain comes tomorrow. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Problems, Engineers, and Snacks

Dear God, thank you for the nice day. [pause] Do you have any problems, God? If you do, you probably need to get an engineer. That’s their job, to solve problems. Structural problems… other problems… Sometimes they drive trains but that’s a different kind of engineer. And thank you that Mom made good snacks today. In Jesus’ name, amen.