Of Mice and Men

Dear God, thank you for the nice day. I do have a question for you though. Why do we have… why do we have arms and hands? [long pause] Mom, I heard him this time. I really did. He said, “they’re for grabbing things.” Like what, God? [long pause] He says, “like food.” Okay, but… but mice don’t have arms and hands, and they grab food. What about that? [long pause] He says, “their little feet are like hands, that’s why.” But God, why do mice eat other stuff like garbage and blankets? [long pause] He says he doesn’t know either. Okay, well, in Jesus’ name, amen.

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The Holy Ghost, of course

Dear God, I really really REALLY hope that tomorrow is Hallowe’en. I’ll be an astronaut. And what will YOU be? [pause] If it’s dark tomorrow, we’ll know it’s Hallowe’en. No… NO. That’s not quite right. It has to be 31 to be Hallowe’en. And tomorrow is not yet 31, even if it’s dark. So it’s not Hallowe’en yet. [sigh] But, there IS some good news that it’s not quite Hallowe’en, God. That means you still have some time to get your costume before you spook everybody. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Accidental Lava-cracking Super-punch

Dear God, I really hope that you never make me go to the center of the Earth. There’s rock down there that’s hot lava. And what if… what if I accidentally punched the lava? What if I had super-strength? What if I cracked that stone of the Earth with my super-punch and the yolk broke into a hundred pieces? The rock is just a shell, God. There’s a giant, hot, giant yolk in the middle of the Earth. If I cracked it by accident and the whole Earth broke apart… then… all the people would be just living lost in space. So don’t make me punch the lava, ever. In Jesus’ name, amen. Wow, that was a long pray.