What’s in a Name

Dear God, thanks for the nice day. But I don’t like it when I have to sleep all by myself. I just don’t like being alone. Why can’t we hear you, God? [pause] Oh… right, because you’re invisible. [sigh] All right, in Jesus’ name, amen. Why is Jesus’ name “Amen”, anyways, Mom?

(“It’s not, Buddy. That’s just a way of saying that we know that we can talk to God like a friend because Jesus helps us to.”)

Well, what does “name” mean in God’s world? I mean in the Ancient Language.

(“Do you mean you want to know what God’s name is?”)

Yeah.

(“God has lots of names. One of His main ones is Yahweh.”)

[giggling uncontrollably] Yahweh?! That’s the one He PICKED? Ahahaha!

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Wait… that was my Recipe for Hot Wings!

Dear God, thank you for the nice day. I really, really need a chemistry set, God. That’s what you need to mix up chemicals. You can even make a volcano if you have the right chemicals and you know how to do it. First you take some… hot sauce… and some sugar, and salt and lots of pepper. And some vinegar. And then you take some baking soda and stir that in, and then you have a giant, squoozhing, erupting VOLCANO that will erupt lava FOREVER. And after I’m done with the chemistry set, I need a rocket. Those work by… by taking you into space. But you know that. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Who Knew Adults Could Be So Useful

Dear God, thank you for the whole world that you made, and for my family. Thanks for the adults that you made. Some of them are pretty useful. When I cut my forehead and had to go to the hospital, the doctor was an adult. He gave me stitches and now my cut is better. Well, not better, but it’s pretty good. So thanks for that adult. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Of Mice and Men

Dear God, thank you for the nice day. I do have a question for you though. Why do we have… why do we have arms and hands? [long pause] Mom, I heard him this time. I really did. He said, “they’re for grabbing things.” Like what, God? [long pause] He says, “like food.” Okay, but… but mice don’t have arms and hands, and they grab food. What about that? [long pause] He says, “their little feet are like hands, that’s why.” But God, why do mice eat other stuff like garbage and blankets? [long pause] He says he doesn’t know either. Okay, well, in Jesus’ name, amen.

That Wise Old Adage

Dear God, thanks for the nice day. I played, and I read some books, and I did some drawings. And I helped Spiderman defeat the… the Instrainer. He’s yellow and black. I built a trap and caught the Instrainer, and it’s impossible for him to escape now. And you know what’s true, right? When you help Spiderman, you help YOURSELF. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Tough crowd tonight

Dear God, thank you for the nice day. Why do we have blood? Is it… is it… to keep us alive? Or to keep our temperature? Oh, I have a joke for you, God. Knock knock. [pause] okay… Who’s there? Blood. Blood who? Blood keeping you ALIVE! Hahahaha!

[older sister interrupts: “That wasn’t funny at ALL.”]

Okay okay. I have another one then. What do you call an orange that’s… that’s smushed on the floor? A LOG! Hahaha!

[“That was even worse. Stop telling God jokes that aren’t funny.”]

Aw. Okay. In Jesus’ name, amen.