The Holy Ghost, of course

Dear God, I really really REALLY hope that tomorrow is Hallowe’en. I’ll be an astronaut. And what will YOU be? [pause] If it’s dark tomorrow, we’ll know it’s Hallowe’en. No… NO. That’s not quite right. It has to be 31 to be Hallowe’en. And tomorrow is not yet 31, even if it’s dark. So it’s not Hallowe’en yet. [sigh] But, there IS some good news that it’s not quite Hallowe’en, God. That means you still have some time to get your costume before you spook everybody. In Jesus’ name, amen.


Accidental Lava-cracking Super-punch

Dear God, I really hope that you never make me go to the center of the Earth. There’s rock down there that’s hot lava. And what if… what if I accidentally punched the lava? What if I had super-strength? What if I cracked that stone of the Earth with my super-punch and the yolk broke into a hundred pieces? The rock is just a shell, God. There’s a giant, hot, giant yolk in the middle of the Earth. If I cracked it by accident and the whole Earth broke apart… then… all the people would be just living lost in space. So don’t make me punch the lava, ever. In Jesus’ name, amen. Wow, that was a long pray.

Don’t Drink This Sauce

Dear God, thank you that I have lots of skills, and a glow stick, and lots of predictions. Here’s one prediction. I predict that if any bad guys drink this glowing venomous sauce in my glow stick, they will die. God, please don’t drink this sauce, because it’s venomous. And that is my story of a prayer. In Jesus’ name, amen.


You can’t make me be Thankful for them

(The Darndest Team is grinning even more than usual about this entry – our first submission from one of our readers! Keep ’em comin’!)

God, thank you for keeping us safe and for keeping everyone safe. Thank you for forgiving our sins and forgiving everyone in the whole world. Thank you for everything you made, except scooters.


There’s always the option of Laser Surgery

Dear God, how old are you? I’m four. Are you… FIFTY? Nine thousand and million? Hmm. Do you have to wear glasses? Well, do you? If you have glasses, I promise that when I see you I won’t say, “Haha, four-eyes!”. ‘Cause that’s not nice, so I won’t call you that. Four-eyes. In Jesus’ name, amen.