Me: Okay, Buddy, it’s time to say your goodnight prayers.

Oliver: Mom, do you know about knee-paddles?

Me: Umm… what?

Oliver: Knee-paddles. You put them on so you don’t get hurt.

Me: Oh, you mean knee pads. Yes, I know about them. Let’s pray.

Oliver: You put them on your knees.

Me: Yes, I understand. Let’s just pray.

Oliver: Right on your knee-bumps. [taps knees for emphasis]

Me: All right. PLEASE PRAY.

Oliver: Okay. Dear God, do you know about knee-paddles?



(Oliver’s latest strategy to get God to speak to him out loud is that he’ll ask God questions to which the answers are so obvious, that God will be too embarrassed to NOT answer.)

Dear God: Do turtles fly? Is sugar alive? Do we wear boots on our head? [pause] No, the answer is NO. Everything NO. In Jesus’ name, amen.

The Convenience of Technology

Dear God, thanks for the nice day. I talk to you every day. It’s nice that I can talk to you. But how come you don’t talk back? You can if you want. But you’ll have to buy a ticket. You can get tickets on our website, or on Twitter. In Jesus’ name, amen.