There’s always the option of Laser Surgery

Dear God, how old are you? I’m four. Are you… FIFTY? Nine thousand and million? Hmm. Do you have to wear glasses? Well, do you? If you have glasses, I promise that when I see you I won’t say, “Haha, four-eyes!”. ‘Cause that’s not nice, so I won’t call you that. Four-eyes. In Jesus’ name, amen.

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The Perils of Popsicles

Dear God, thanks for the nice day. What’s your favourite food? Do you like popsicles? I do. Do you ever get brain freeze when you eat popsicles? You can put on a helmet when you eat popsicles, but that won’t stop brain freeze. It comes from the INside, not the OUTside. It starts in the tube in your neck, and goes up up up to the… the… green thing… and then into your brain. The popsicle goes in your brain and freezes it. Even if you wear a helmet. I tried. In Jesus’ name, amen.

I’m pretty sure that’s an exhaustive list, God

Dear God, thank you for the nice day. Thank you for ALL the things I need. Like respect. And hope. And manners. And sunscreen. Everyone needs sunscreen when they go outside. Even Spiderman, right God? We wouldn’t want Spiderman to get a sunburn just because he made that mistake. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Captain Triangle-Eyes

Dear God, this is Captain Triangle-Eyes. Otherwise known as Oliver. I just wanted to tell you because, did you know that I have super-powers? When there’s a super-villain around and people need me to rescue them, they ACTIVATE my powers and then my eyes turn into special triangles. That’s why I’m Captain Triangle-Eyes. Nobody needed my super-powers today but maybe tomorrow will do the trick. I hope, I hope that a super-villain comes tomorrow. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Problems, Engineers, and Snacks

Dear God, thank you for the nice day. [pause] Do you have any problems, God? If you do, you probably need to get an engineer. That’s their job, to solve problems. Structural problems… other problems… Sometimes they drive trains but that’s a different kind of engineer. And thank you that Mom made good snacks today. In Jesus’ name, amen.

NO PRICKLES.

Dear God, thanks for the nice day. God, why do I have to get really big when I get older? I won’t fit into my Thunder Drums shirt, or my Awesome shirt, or my Pirate shirt. That’s so sad. And God, my face is nice and smooth, but when I get older I have to get prickles like Daddy. I DON’T WANT THE PRICKLES. In Jesus’ name, amen.