Wait… that was my Recipe for Hot Wings!

Dear God, thank you for the nice day. I really, really need a chemistry set, God. That’s what you need to mix up chemicals. You can even make a volcano if you have the right chemicals and you know how to do it. First you take some… hot sauce… and some sugar, and salt and lots of pepper. And some vinegar. And then you take some baking soda and stir that in, and then you have a giant, squoozhing, erupting VOLCANO that will erupt lava FOREVER. And after I’m done with the chemistry set, I need a rocket. Those work by… by taking you into space. But you know that. In Jesus’ name, amen.


Of Mice and Men

Dear God, thank you for the nice day. I do have a question for you though. Why do we have… why do we have arms and hands? [long pause] Mom, I heard him this time. I really did. He said, “they’re for grabbing things.” Like what, God? [long pause] He says, “like food.” Okay, but… but mice don’t have arms and hands, and they grab food. What about that? [long pause] He says, “their little feet are like hands, that’s why.” But God, why do mice eat other stuff like garbage and blankets? [long pause] He says he doesn’t know either. Okay, well, in Jesus’ name, amen.

That Wise Old Adage

Dear God, thanks for the nice day. I played, and I read some books, and I did some drawings. And I helped Spiderman defeat the… the Instrainer. He’s yellow and black. I built a trap and caught the Instrainer, and it’s impossible for him to escape now. And you know what’s true, right? When you help Spiderman, you help YOURSELF. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Tough crowd tonight

Dear God, thank you for the nice day. Why do we have blood? Is it… is it… to keep us alive? Or to keep our temperature? Oh, I have a joke for you, God. Knock knock. [pause] okay… Who’s there? Blood. Blood who? Blood keeping you ALIVE! Hahahaha!

[older sister interrupts: “That wasn’t funny at ALL.”]

Okay okay. I have another one then. What do you call an orange that’s… that’s smushed on the floor? A LOG! Hahaha!

[“That was even worse. Stop telling God jokes that aren’t funny.”]

Aw. Okay. In Jesus’ name, amen.

You sure did that one!

Dear God, thank you for everything! We just love everything! Thank you for my Batman toy. Actually, thank-you to Mommy for that, because she’s the one who got it for me. Thank you for our house. Actually, thank-you to the builders for the house since they made it. Thank you for the whole world! You sure did that one! Thank you for making people. I’m not sure why you decided to call them “people”. But that’s okay. In Jesus’ name, amen.

The Holy Ghost, of course

Dear God, I really really REALLY hope that tomorrow is Hallowe’en. I’ll be an astronaut. And what will YOU be? [pause] If it’s dark tomorrow, we’ll know it’s Hallowe’en. No… NO. That’s not quite right. It has to be 31 to be Hallowe’en. And tomorrow is not yet 31, even if it’s dark. So it’s not Hallowe’en yet. [sigh] But, there IS some good news that it’s not quite Hallowe’en, God. That means you still have some time to get your costume before you spook everybody. In Jesus’ name, amen.