The Holy Ghost, of course

Dear God, I really really REALLY hope that tomorrow is Hallowe’en. I’ll be an astronaut. And what will YOU be? [pause] If it’s dark tomorrow, we’ll know it’s Hallowe’en. No… NO. That’s not quite right. It has to be 31 to be Hallowe’en. And tomorrow is not yet 31, even if it’s dark. So it’s not Hallowe’en yet. [sigh] But, there IS some good news that it’s not quite Hallowe’en, God. That means you still have some time to get your costume before you spook everybody. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Advertisements

Don’t Drink This Sauce

Dear God, thank you that I have lots of skills, and a glow stick, and lots of predictions. Here’s one prediction. I predict that if any bad guys drink this glowing venomous sauce in my glow stick, they will die. God, please don’t drink this sauce, because it’s venomous. And that is my story of a prayer. In Jesus’ name, amen.

The Perils of Popsicles

Dear God, thanks for the nice day. What’s your favourite food? Do you like popsicles? I do. Do you ever get brain freeze when you eat popsicles? You can put on a helmet when you eat popsicles, but that won’t stop brain freeze. It comes from the INside, not the OUTside. It starts in the tube in your neck, and goes up up up to the… the… green thing… and then into your brain. The popsicle goes in your brain and freezes it. Even if you wear a helmet. I tried. In Jesus’ name, amen.

I’m pretty sure that’s an exhaustive list, God

Dear God, thank you for the nice day. Thank you for ALL the things I need. Like respect. And hope. And manners. And sunscreen. Everyone needs sunscreen when they go outside. Even Spiderman, right God? We wouldn’t want Spiderman to get a sunburn just because he made that mistake. In Jesus’ name, amen.